Anger

God, I'm sorry, but I'm angry and confused.
Too angry to want to clear the confusion -
always the conflicts:

"God gave you this special child for a reason".

Did you? To teach me about loving and losing? Don't you remember my marriage?

"God doesn't do things to hurt you or punish you to make you grow into a better person".

So why my hurt child?

Why would you allow a child to suffer? How about me?
Where was one of your miracles at his birth? At his death?

"Turn to God for comfort".

Now that one really strikes terror in my heart, for I am truly terrified of receiving any more gifts or blessings. No pain - no gain is not my idea of living.

"God takes only the best".

The only thing Jacob did best was smiling and vomiting. Okay, so he's healed and he doesn't vomit anymore. So why should you get all the good things?

Common sense rarely comes to your rescue, but when it does, I know that you are not responsible for the stupid things people say. Deep down, I think you are not responsible for any of it. You supposedly know whether I can handle this or not - there's no need for you to test me.

See? Sometimes I understand. But I'm suffering from lack of faith.
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