Leo Buscaglia..

Leo Buscaglia wrote a book;
"The Disabled and Their Parents".

I read it a year ago right after Jacob died. It took forever to get through the chapter "Special Feelings of Parents". Ten pages of pure anguish and of being understood, produced tears at every paragraph. I cried for days and a concerned friend said "You stupid idiot - don't read it!"

Now, a year later, I've read the chapters on BEING disabled. Once again, I am walking around on the verge of tears.

A year ago I couldn't have accepted his death as a blessing because it was my own loss I was feeling.

Now I am beginning to feel that maybe, just maybe - Jacob was spared the pain of being a handicapped teenager, and an adult. There might have been physical pain, and certainly emotional pain.

And once again, I am thinking of myself - I would have had to watch.
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