Meadow Lake

Meadow Lake

There's a place I went to just after Jacob died. A clear blue/green lake way up high somewhere in the mountains. It's one of those storybook places, the lake surrounded by mountains rising right out of the water, springs and streams feeding the lake, fresh, crisp air, and it's a place where you just know there's a God.

But my new-felt fresh pain was too big even for this place, these mountains and the sky too close for comfort. The place is bitter-sweet.

It was there I fought a mountain, literally climbing it's walls, it's cliffs - trying to get close enough to God - to punch him and then throw myself off the mountain to die.

I lost the fight - I left God up there and haven't prayed since.

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