A Pediatrician

A Pediatrician


Memories.
So confusing, but so important.

Thank you
for keeping it all together for me.
For filling an empty spot
in my life with your support.
For sharing some of your own pain
with me and for your gentle prods
to keep me from drowning in my own.
I became stronger,
partly through example,
and partly because you believed in me.

Thank you for the time
you said there was too much love
for my baby for me to "put him away",
as others were suggesting.

How badly I needed to hear
that for my baby.
For telling me that it was nice
to see my confidence growing
as Jacob's mom,
you'd been worried at first,
but no less than I.
I lived from appointment
to appointment at first,
because I knew you'd say something positive.
You once said I was a strong lady;
how shocking,
but how badly I needed
to hear positive things about myself.

Thank you for being there
when he died.
You did everything just right,
however right can be
in such a wrong situation.
Quiet words and silence,
gently pushing
to get reality going again.
The memory of that morning
is bearable because of your presence,
helping, once again,
to keep the pieces from flying all over.
There will always be a special place
in my heart for you,
for sharing what you have with me.

Thank you for a conversation weeks later,
reassuring me of my motherhood,
and my mothering.
For not embarrassing me
at a very open and vulnerable time,
for being honest and careful.
For understanding
my neediness and craziness.
Thank you for allowing me my process,
for trying to understand
and being patient with it.
For not judging what's right or wrong.

You are very special to me.



2015 Extra Note - he is still very special to me.  I should get in touch.  



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