Permanently Suicidal
Tonight, if I could - I would.
Only motherhood stops me.
I must wait
till my son knows what's wrong -
and can get help for himself.
Must teach him some phone numbers.
I can't keep up
this act of well-being any longer.
I almost fooled myself this time.
Before, I always knew how bad
I was and was prepared for the crash.
Now, they sneak up on me
while I'm busy acting,
and I can't even find a reason.
I need to know what it is
before I can fight it.
I'm so tired of living.
.
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