4/30/05
20+ Years After
20 Years After Jacob Died
I still do not believe in God
or heaven, but I do believe in Hell.
I do understand that suffering is relative –
Having survived the loss of a child –
I know that I can make it through anything.
Saying "This traffic jam is gonna kill me"
or "I'm so tired I could just die"
are stupid statements in my life -
suffering is relative now.
I’m not on some higher plain of understanding
because I’ve survived the loss of a child.
I read something just today
that tells me what I've learned so hard...
"Neither philosophy nor faith can heal the heart after the death of a child. Only time, and only because time passes and we forget." (Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior)
I seem okay about it only because
I’ve forgotten what Hell was like.
And I suppose I have God to thank for that…
See? Some inconsistencies
and ironies still exist in my life.
Thank you for reading.
.
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4 comments:
Wow! Your story is so painful. You are very strong though. And your a great mother. Only a great mother can love her child so deaply that it will always hurt. Don't ever think your a bad mom.
Just finished reading all of this. There isn't a single thing I can think of to say that won't sound corny or trite, especially 23 years after the fact, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it - thankyou.
I spent an entire night reading every single post of urs. I must say it takes a strong woman to live d life u have lived. I salute u. and i know it isnt a consolation knowin i share ur pain. I am choking. God Bless !
I just finished reading all of your entries. My loss wasn't the same as yours, but so much of what you write resonates within me. I lost Jeremy at 5 months of pregnancy due to severe preeclampsia. I was far enough along to have a burial and it was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I know you have healed as much as one can at this point in your life, but I want to thank you for sharing Jacob's story with everyone.
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