Grief is...

Grief is ... Sneaky

Just when you've convinced yourself
that you are finally getting a handle on it,
and patting yourself on the back,
smiling serenely at the compliments,
just when you are beginning to feel relaxed,
and let your guard down,
IT hits you like a Mack truck.

Sirens in the far distance,
ambulances too close to home.
Helen Reddy's song,
"You and Me Against The World",
a March of Dimes commercial
with your baby in it,
telethons for children.
A father holding the hand of his son,
a mother trying to control
the exuberance of her two young sons,
my son's "only" child ness.

Yellow roses and rainbows,
going to church,
May days and the days of August.
Another parent's new grief,
fresh and just beginning,
panic at another parent's resolved grief -
it seems too much like forgetting.

A pediatrician
and a walk past an emergency room,
babies clad only in Huggies diapers,
and sheepskin comforters.
Baby clothes in the department stores,
the sizes he should be wearing now,
and nursing nightgowns.
The pain is worth it,
for it reminds me that he existed.
.