It should have...

It Should Have Been Different

I should have kept him at home,
where I could hold him
until I knew he was really dead.
It should have been me
who dressed him
in a tee-shirt and diapers -
not a stranger who put him
in a silly blue outfit never worn before.
He should have looked dead,
and not had all that make-up on him.

The last nights on this earth
should have been in his home
with his family -
not in a cold, stinky funeral home,
in a stupid bassinet, all alone.
By himself for the first and only time in his life.

It should have been different
because EVERY day,
I must convince myself that he is really dead.

Only the doctors and the funeral home know it for sure.
.