Sick to death

Lord, I am sick to death of being a Christian.
I must not have the faith anymore... the peace and acceptance.
I'm tired of being nice, pretending to accept and understand.
I must be praying wrong, or else you don't care about me either.

What can I do to get it back, when I feel such nothingness?
The sin of guilt eats at me; I've lost my faith.
But I've lost my baby too, and I cannot find him.
I want to add brutality to my list of sins, strangling those with pious platitudes.
You should pray, they say - all thing work together for the good.
I want to throw up at their feet.